Ms. Perspective

“I got something to tell y’all” says Damali, so both Tasha and I get quiet. “I-I-I’m pregnant, and it’s Brandon’s” stutters Damali.  I gasp, and Tasha and I start speaking at the same time- “How far along are you?” “How do you know it’s Brandon’s?” “I thought you wrapped it up?” “Are you keeping it?”  Then silence. Tilting my head to the side with anticipation, “Damali?” In the silence, I stare at my girl- we’ve been girls forever.  Before my parents’ accident, we lived down the street from each other. Growing up we couldn’t have been more opposite.  All the way up to high school graduation, I was the rebellious one.  Somehow I think it was expected of me, since I was the one bouncing from different foster homes. Damali was the conventional one. She was the shortest of all of us, about 5’2 and tiny.  She had just cut her hair into this really short T-Boz look, and it actually looked good on her.  No one really knows what happened to cause her personality change, but in college she began to wild out.

                Freshman year, she started clubbing and every night she went home with a new guy. I thought she would grow out of that, but now she’s 26 and still going strong. Shaking my head, I didn’t mean it like that.  She’s my girl, and I love her but she does her thing.  I love how outspoken she is; she’s never afraid to tell you how the situation really is.  She makes no excuses, and I believe that’s what makes her such a great interior designer.  Her eye for blending colors, shapes, and ideas are amazing. I spend hours in my room that she designed to imitate my spot on the Lake, and the resemblance is remarkable. “Lexi, did you hear me?” “Huh? I’m sorry Damali, I didn’t mean to zone. What did you say?” Damali looks like she’s holding back tears. “I am…. Keeping it. I’m about 5 weeks along, and we did. I don’t know what happened”. With that 2 tears fly to the tabletop, plink. Plink. Grabbing a cheap paper napkin, she blots at her eye. “I haven’t told Brandon yet, and Tash, I KNOW it’s his.  He’s the only one I been having sex with lately. “

Tasha sighs, “how did y’all start….I mean- when did y’all…. Uh… you know what I’m trying to say.” Unexpectantly, Damali starts laughing. “Girl, I’ve had a crush on that man since we were in high school, but back then I was too shy to tell him.  About 7 months ago, I was in ‘Tique and ran into him. We were both drunk as all get out, and well… We ended up at his place.  You know I’m usually gone before the sun rises, but somehow I fell asleep.  He woke me up with cereal and burnt toast-y’all know that boy can’t cook to save his life. *laughs* He set the bowl down and told me that we had to talk.  He didn’t want things to be strange between us, and I felt that, you know? I think we both thought it would only happen once, but we started hanging out. Movies, dinner, watching the game, just the little stuff, and I guessed that since we hadn’t messed around in 3 weeks, we were back to being just friends. A month later, he stopped by my office to bring me lunch. **fans herself** Yes, that was a GOOD day. Right on the desk, then the chairs, window pane. Looking back on it, I think we were trying to convince ourselves that we weren’t attracted to each other and it just built up. Since that day, we’ve been messing with each other.”

“Lexi, don’t look at me like that! I know what you are thinking, and I know how you feel about friends dealing with each other in the same circle.  It isn’t going to be strange. This is Brandon we’re talking about.” Standing up, I walk to the counter to order a fruit punch.  I can feel Damali’s eyes on the back of my head, but I don’t care. I knew I should have just went to my condo. Taking a drink of my fruit punch, I’m thinking about running across the street to Happy’s. I think I need a drink for real. “For real Lex? You just gone leave right while Damali was talking? You are reckless.” Says Tasha while shaking her head and smiling.  She knows too well that I needed a chance to get my thoughts together before I spoke.

As strong and opinionated as Damali is, she’s still very sensitive. How do I tell her that Brandon is just a man, and he’s going to react like any man would if he found out someone may be pregnant with his child? I mean, I’m not sure if I believe that it’s his child, so will he? I don’t want to see her hurt, but I don’t want her to have unrealistic expectations. “Alexia.” Scrunching my lips together, I exhale and say “Brandon is my brother. I’ve known him forever, and there isn’t any man I trust or respect more. I’m sure that he won’t ignore his responsibilities, just be patient with him. You’re going to need to have a lot of patience- not just for him but for yourself. You know that I will help in any way that I can.” “Oh! And I almost forgot, CONGRATS!! But I’m not rubbing your belly; I ain’t trying to be next. UH UN. Not me” I said shaking my head empathetically.

Tasha and Damali start chuckling, they know I’m silly.  Damali looks at Tasha and asks her to be her child’s god mother.  Surprised, Tasha wonders why she was asked and not I, but shrugging her shoulders, she responds with a casual “yea, that’s cool. Any ideas on names, if it’s a ….” Ringing, her phone cuts off her thought.  As soon as she presses talk, you can hear Robert’s voice “Where the hell are you? Your son is crying for his damn ‘mommy’. Do you even know what time it is? Shit!” My eyes get big as I brace myself for what’s about to come. Tasha hasn’t said what’s going on between her and Rob, but I know it isn’t the best. “Hold up! I’m with my girls; I told you that Lexi is in town. I haven’t said shit about you being out late and not bringing your ass home. We aren’t going to talk about this bullshit right now, kiss my son for me. I’ll be home when I bring my black ass home.” She yells into the phone and hangs up.  “God! I need a drink. I swear that man makes me want to choke him. He thinks I don’t know about them bitches.” Nodding her head, she continues. “Watch, he gone bring his ass home, and find that he’s the only one in it.  Matter of fact. Lexi, can Junior and I use your condo for a little while til I can find a new place? I can’t take it anymore! If I stay any longer, I’m going to blow him up. I swear!” Looking around, I finally look at Tasha. “Yes, Tasha, you can, but you already know I’m not going for that drama in my house. I love you and Rob, but you know Rob got a temper and likes to throw shit. All I’m saying is please don’t fight in my place.” “That’s how you gone do me Alexia? I swear…. Bitches get a little money, and start tripping. Fuck that shit then, I don’t need your shit.” Then storms out of Billy’s leaving Damali and I confused.

Buckling the seat-belt, and as I’m pulling off, “Damali…” Cutting me off, “Naw, Lex, let her go. I know what you were saying, it just wasn’t the time.  She’s just mad about Robert and his cheating.  I guess it has been building up since the last time you were here. She found a female’s shirt in his trunk, and then there are the girls who have been showing up on their door acting a fool.  It’s beyond ridiculous, and you haven’t been around.  It may just be everything all at once.  I’m not trying to accuse you of not being a good friend, but you have your moments where you just fall off the map.  No one can get into contact with you when you are in that mood.”

“So, you’re saying it’s my fault? That she’s justified in snapping at me like that? For real? Shit, I’m sorry that I’m trying to keep my life together. I’m tired; sometimes I need a minute to myself.  We all got issues, and how dare y’all think that your issues should be more important to me than mine? Shit, when’s the last time, you asked me what was bothering me? Or flew out to see me? Dropped everything to come running when I’m feeling down? Nevermind. Forget it. It’s been time for me to leave.” With that, I pull up to her house without another word.  Hugging me as she gets out, “Let me know when you get home, ok?”  I watch her close the door behind her and pull off.

I can’t believe they expect me to be everywhere at once.  Contrary to popular belief, I’m not superwoman. Hell, I’m barely keeping my shit together.  How can I keep everyone elses’ together too?  Ignoring Tasha’s call, I turn up my radio.  I don’t feel like dealing with her right now. Two calls later, I pause my music, and answer with “Yes, Tasha?” “Girl….I’m just tripping. Rob’s got me stressing and his bitches is out of control. I knew what you were staying, and I feel that, cuz I’d be pissed if someone broke my shit.  Catch up with you tomorrow? Lunch or something? Just text me; I know you got a lot of shit to do since you are back.   But I do need to see you tomorrow because we need to talk- to REALLY catch up. I know you got shit you’re dealing with, and you haven’t opened up since Diondre. I know! How about we hit the magnificent mile, and grab lunch at the spa? We haven’t had a girls day out in FOREVER!!!” Smiling I say “I’d like that, but Tasha I don’t want to talk about Diondre. Everything is cool. He’s not a part of my life anymore, and I don’t want to discuss it. Ok?”  “I guess. Text me when you get up girl. Love ya!” We disconnect, as I pull up to my condo.

I greet the doorman as I enter the building and pause for a picture.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my fans, and I’m very grateful for the love.  It’s just that sometimes I want to be just Alexia.  I want to be able to shop for a birthday present without being interrupted a thousand times, or to be able to use a bathroom without getting rushed as I’m trying to wash my hands. Pressing the elevator to my floor, I hear Jagged Edge’s “True Man” playing.  Humming along, the doors open and I walk into my place.  My place is uniquely me.  High ceilings, breathtaking view of the skyline, and a spacious kitchen definitely remind me of how I miss this place.  Each room has a distinct vibe; retro, classy chic, modern, and even an Egyptian inspired one.  Sinking into my bed’s cushions, I fall asleep…

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